


Why He Didn't Come Back Home

by Louvu, t5unami



Series: Come Back Home - Series [2]
Category: TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: -_-, Alternate Universe - The Light In Your Eyes, Angst, BTS is SMARTTTTT, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Café, Crying, Cute Kids, Description of Blood and Violence, Explanations, Fluff and Angst, Gore, Government Corruption, Kinda, M/M, Married Couple, Men Crying, Sadness, School, Sequel, So Nothing Has Changed, There Is Not A Sad Ending, but we already knew that :), description of gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 05:09:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20402188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louvu/pseuds/Louvu, https://archiveofourown.org/users/t5unami/pseuds/t5unami
Summary: “If you want to know what happened, I’ll tell you. Both of you. Right now or-or whenever you’re ready. And if you never want me to tell you, if you don’t want to know, that’s fine, too. And… you don’t have to forgive me for not telling you sooner. I’m sorry.”It's been over a decade since they lost Namjoon. When Soobin has an emotional outburst, Seokjin decides that he should share with them what happened.





	Why He Didn't Come Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! This is the sequel you’ve all been waiting for (hopefully)!
> 
> (IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT YOU READ COME BACK HOME FIRST, AS THAT IS THE STORYLINE AND MAIN PLOT. WITHOUT IT, THIS FANFIC WOULD NOT BE HERE. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ IT BEFORE CONTINUING. IF NOT, THEN GOOD FUCKING LUCK TRYING TO UNDERSTAND, BUDDY.)
> 
> Firstly, I would like to say that this was more of a… collaboration (I guess?) than Come Back Home (CBH). In CBH, Tsunami wrote it, while I, Juno, edited and revised it. But this time, I’m the only writer and editor. Tsunami was there to help me shape the story, fact check all of my history (Tsunami is half-Korean, on her mother’s side- her mom grew up in Korea in fact and has taught us both Korean ((Tsunami is certainly more skilled than me, however)).) So I can safely assure you that the history included here is pretty spot on!
> 
> Anyway, moving on, this story was hard to write. Over the course of… two months? Three? Something like that. It was kind of silly, really: first, Tsunami wrote a version and didn’t like it, so it was passed on to me. I’ve wrote it twice and the second version emerged victorious!
> 
> I had a great time writing it (although Tsunami’s nagging was a little annoying sometimes- I still love her though) and this will always hold a special place in my writing… collection? Repertoire? (I don’t know the word I’m thinking of, but you get the point) because this is the first story that I wrote and edited all on my own, that I’m publishing online! 
> 
> I won’t keep you for too much longer, but here are some warnings:
> 
> WARNING! WARNING! THERE ARE MENTIONS OF MALE PREGNANCY, GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION, BLOOD, VIOLENCE AND DEATH. IF ANY OF THESE FACTORS ARE TRIGGERS, PLEASE CLICK OFF. THE WRITERS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE DONE. WARNING! WARNING!
> 
> Also:
> 
> WE DO NOT OWN BTS. THIS STORY WAS ONLY MADE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE FANDOM, WITH NO INTENTION OF HURTING OR DISRESPECTING THEM, THEIR IMAGE OR MUSIC. WE ARE SIMPLY VIEWING THEM AS CHARACTERS. 
> 
> Finally, here’s a word key for those not in the know of some Korean words used:
> 
> Hyung (hee-ung) - means older brother. younger boys call older boys this if they are on friendly terms. 
> 
> Eomma (oh-Ma) - means mother. regardless of their own gender, a child will call their mother this. (Soobin and Kai call Seokjin Eomma because he gave birth to them ((yes, men can give birth in this world- we made it that way.)) additionally, homosexuality or other sexualities are not considered ‘abnormal’- as they should be, but nOOOOO, LET’S JUST TELL PEOPLE WHO THEY CAN LOVE.)
> 
> Appa (ah-Pa) - means father. regardless of their own gender, children will call their father this. 
> 
> Samchun (sahm-CHoon) - means uncle. children will usually call their uncles (there are other versions based on gender) and male family friends this. this only applies to adults however, so it’s not used similarly to hyung.
> 
> Ahjumma (ah-joo-mmah) - means older woman. anyone, including adults, will usually call older women by this name. it functions similar to hyung. it can also be an insult, if you were to call someone who is clearly NOT an elderly woman this.
> 
> Tteokbokki (deok-bohk-gee) - this is a Korean snack, usually sold as street food. to reheat it, you use the stove and seasoning. 
> 
> Alright, I think that’s it! Thanks! 
> 
> And now, enjoy~

“So, how was school?” Seokjin asks, over the quiet hum of the car, while they make their way home. 

Soobin sits next to him, hoodie on and over his head, looking out the window; disinterested and far away. Kai, on the other hand, is more energetic, as he swings his feet back and forth while he smiles. 

“Great! We learned all these new things in science! Like the weird weather patterns and cloud shapes and I think we’re studying the stars next? I dunno, but math was fun too!” Kai explains animatedly, enthusiastic about the material- unlike some of his peers. 

It almost makes Seokjin sad to see students so young already drained and tired of school. He’s almost ashamed to admit that he was of those kids when he was Kai’s age, wishes he would’ve enjoyed it more instead of drowning himself in studies and homework. 

Come to think of it, it was Namjoon who removed the stick from his ass. Despite being a bookworm, straight-A student himself, he knew how to have fun, how to let go for a while and enjoy being a teenager, enjoy  _ life _ . Seokjin’s glad that Kai can do the same,  _ especially _ if it’s through learning. 

“So, yeah, I had a good day,” Kai finishes then, smiling to himself before looking out the window.

“How about you, Soobin?” Seokjin glances to him, having a moment to turn away from the road when they stop at a stoplight. “Was your day alright?”

“‘Was fine, I guess.” Soobin shrugs, not bothering to look him in the eye. He’s back to being quiet and distant, eyes looking anywhere but Seokjin. 

“How was Yeonjun? Is he doing alright? Your  _ samchuns _ tell me that you two have-”

“Yeonjun's doing fine. And don’t go snooping around, asking other people about  _ my _ relationships and  _ my _ life!”

Kai glances at them, but stays quiet and keeps his eyes glued to the window. 

Seokjin sighs. “Soobin-ah, please lower your voice. I’m sorry for going against your wishes, but it was your samchuns who started the conversation, not me.”

Soobin doesn’t move. 

“And... what else can I do, really? You don’t share anything with me and you’re so closed off  _ all _ the time. I give you your own space and respect your privacy, but you scare me. I don’t know much about you and what’s going on. I’m… just worried and trying to look out for you, okay? It’s my job as your  _ eomma _ .” 

Soobin continues to ignore him. 

“How about we make a deal, hm? You promise to tell me  _ three,  _ as in a total of  _ three _ things  _ each day _ about school and I won’t go snooping around anymore? How does that sound?”

He sighs and shrugs. “I’ll think about it,” Soobin pouts. 

“Okay,” Seokjin whispers to himself, letting out a silent  _ whoop! _ at getting a response that’s not a ‘no’. It’s not a yes, but he’s optimistic and trusts his son. 

They drive in silence for a little while, Kai’s discomfort melting away as the tension dissipates. Soobin is still silent. 

“When we get home, you guys can relax a little, maybe have a snack, but remember that we have the dinner with your samchuns and friends tonight. So dress nicely! That means _no_ _hoodies_. I know you _both_ have something formal to wear, so there’s no excuse.”

Kai smiles and nods an affirmative, while Soobin shrinks in on himself and slides down further into his chair, huffing. 

“I don’t wanna go. ‘M not feeling up to it. Got homework, too.” 

Seokjin tries not to let his slight frustration show. He takes a slow breath, trying to calm himself before responding. 

“Soobin-ah, I’m sorry, but this is the one thing I won’t let you skip out on.”

Soobin groans. 

“We have these dinners each year,  _ all _ the time. Why would it matter if I skipped one? Besides, it’s not like we’re celebrating something. This dinner is just like all of the others; it’s not  _ special _ ,” Soobin spits the word out as if it were fire that burned his mouth, made him bleed.

But it leaves a sharp pang in Seokjin, makes him bleed, too. Because Soobin is  _ wrong _ , this is a special dinner, this is important and he  _ has _ to come-

“Y-yes, it is, actually. It’s a  _ very _ important,  _ very _ s-special dinner. And-and… it’s a t-tradition, so you have to come! You can’t break tradition, it’s b-bad luck, you k-know?”

“Well if it’s tradition, then what are we celebrating? None of my classmates have mentioned it, there’s no sales about it and I certainly don’t see any decorations around town,” Soobin says smartly, as if he is winning, has the upper hand. 

Soobin rolls his eyes and scoffs. “And you’re acting weird, so  _ something’s _ gotta be up.”

Seokjin can’t really respond to that and he sees Kai looking uncomfortable in the backseat. But he’d rather not talk about  _ that  _ right now, so he lets this fight go. 

“It’s an adult holiday, but I promise to tell you about it when you’re older, okay? But you have to come tonight, no exceptions,” Seokjin says to Soobin, as he pulls into the driveway.

Not unlocking the car doors yet, Seokjin raises his pinky to Soobin, giving him a small smile.

Soobin stops from where he had been taking off his seatbelt, only to look him in the eyes, glance at his hand, then scoff and leave the car.

He leaves Seokjin feeling defeated, upset and guilty as his son walks into the house ignoring him and angry.

“You okay, Eomma?” Kai pipes up from the back seat, offering a worried look and open arms for a hug. Seokjin reaches around and embraces him, promising that he’s fine. 

“Hand me your bag. C’mon, let’s go get a snack. How does  _ tteokbokki _ sound?”

Kai cheers and runs inside giggling.

Seokjin stays in the car a moment, blank as he just stares absentmindedly at the dashboard. Why does he have so much trouble connecting with Soobin? Did he do something wrong? Is something happening at school? Is he… a bad parent?

Shaking his head, deciding that’s not a place he wants to go right now, he hauls Kai’s rather heavy bag over his shoulder and heads inside.

Kai is waiting patiently, kicking his feet back and forth as he flips through a magazine Seokjin had probably left on the counter. Had he really been gone long enough for Kai to get bored?

Concerned, but more determined to feed Kai, Seokjin forgets about his time in the car and pours some broth into a pot on the stove, preparing to reheat the tteokbokki. 

“Eomma, will Taehyun, Yeonjun and Beomgyu be at the dinner too? I mean, they’ve gotta come, right?” 

Seokjin nods. “I don’t see why they wouldn’t be there. Are you excited?”

“I haven’t seen Beomgyu-hyung and Yeonjun-hyung in a while,” Kai smiles. “Plus, I’ll get to see Taehyun again! He said he’d bring some of his photos tonight and they’re gonna be so cool.”

Kai rants on and Seokjin is happy to listen. With a smile, Seokjin adds the tteokbokki and just a little bit of extra seasoning, as per the advice of the  _ ahjumma _ who sold the snack to him and his friends in the afternoons.

Back when they were still crushing on each other, back when they only cared about making mistakes and goofing around, when school was the last thing on their minds but learning about the world filled their day. 

“Soobin-ah! Do you want tteokbokki?” Seokjin calles, as he set a plate in front of Kai, who eagerly begins digging in. 

There isn’t a response.

Seokjin and Kai eat quietly, too busy chewing to talk. But they still giggle like toddlers when sauce spreads all over their faces or a lone pieces of tteokbokki fall down with a pathetic  _ thwap _ into the sauce.

“Good, now that that’s over,” Seokjin says, as he brushes his hands together, “I’ll be in my room. Shout if you need me, ‘kay?” 

Kai nods, silently giving a thumbs up as he whispers to himself and searches through his collection of cassettes. His walkman and a stack of magazines lay next to him. 

Seokjin walks lazily to his room, closing the door with a sad exhale. Leaning against the wood, he throws his head back against it and just lets himself… sit. Be still. Think. 

About Soobin. 

About Kai. 

About today.

About the dinner tonight. 

About Namjoon. 

God, the tears threaten to spill over when that thought sets in. Why is today suddenly so overwhelming? Resisting the sting in his eyes, Seokjin reaches for his passport and flips through all the stupidly bulky identification papers and legal documents he’s forced to carry around, to the lone photo sitting in the back.

The edges of the photo are tattered, age and use wearing them down. But Seokjin likes the color and texture, thinks it makes the photo feel more humane. The wear and tear of the photo make more so like their family: imperfect, but still beautiful. 

The photo had been taken over a decade ago, by Seokjin himself. It was of Namjoon and the kids, all asleep and cuddled together. The scene was adorable, even with the drool on Soobin’s chin and Kai’s fingers in his own mouth. 

But most of all, there was Namjoon, who looked… peaceful. Calm. Happy. Especially so right in the middle, sandwiched happily between his two kids. 

Seokjin stares at it forlornly, letting his eyes trace over the small details. He feels happy, somewhat nostalgic, a sad yet peaceful type of emotional whirlwind, as he looks. He lets himself rest, alone with his photo.

Years ago, he’d do the same thing; hold the same picture close to him and hope that maybe, just  _ maybe _ , Namjoon would come and wrap his arms around him, kiss him again and tell him it’s okay. 

A small part of Seokjin still wishes for that, for Namjoon to be there with him.

But Seokjin’s doing better now, knows that it won’t happen, but that he can still accept that fact. 

“Eomma!” Kai shouts, startling Seokjin who jumps against the door and  _ ouch, that hurts _ , breaking him out of his trance. 

Seokjin drops the photo onto the bed, leaving his passport next to it as he sprints out of the bedroom and into the living room to see what the issue is.

“Kai-yah?” 

Although still concerned, Kai simply sits in the living room unharmed. A quick scan through the room and- nothing is broken, there is no blood or vomit and Seokjin can’t see any fire- all in all, the scene is normal. 

“Do you know where my puzzle went? I can’t find it,” Kai pouts. 

The breath Seokjin hadn’t even realized he’d been holding is released as a soft sigh. He laughs to himself lightly, before digging through the cabinet and handing Kai the toy. The minor scolding he gives Kai for scaring him makes them both laugh.

“Sorry Eomma,” Kai giggles, happy with his puzzle, which he begins to unbox. “Also, what time ’s dinner?”

Seokjin glances at the clock. “Forty-ish minutes or so- oh  _ fuck- _ do  _ not _ say that aloud to  _ anyone _ , hear me? Go clean up and get ready! The restaurants is a little far and we don’t have too much time!”

Kai eagerly nods and begins to collect and put away his stuff, while Seokjin darts to his room. 

“Soobin-ah! Time to…” Seokijn trails off as he enters the room, not able to do much but stare as Soobin sits on his bed, the photo from earlier clutched in his hands. There are tears flowing down his face, slow and streaking his tan skin. 

“Eomma,” Soobin started, “Is… why? Why are you looking at this now? Why does Appa matter right now?”

Seokin is still frozen. “I-it’s nothing, Soobin-ah. Give-ve me the ph-photo, p-please.”

“All you care about is this  _ stupid _ photo? At a time like this when I, your  _ son _ , am crying right in front of you?” Soobin looks at him then, eyes red, wide, fearful and just  _ heartbroken _ . “Can you even explain this? I mean, why on Earth are you…” 

Soobin’s shoulders fall. 

“Wait, it all makes sense now! The reason you’ve been acting weird, the dinner tonight, this photo- it’s all for Appa! It’s near his anniversary and everything and you… you weren’t gonna tell us?” 

Seokjin feels so guilty, the thing he’s been hiding for years coming out now. Right in front of him, exposed by his own son, who’s hurt because of something  _ he  _ did. The tears on his face, the aggressiveness, the betrayal-  _ Seokjin did that. _

Kai rushes over then, stands in the hallway, confused and unmoving. 

“What’s going on? Are you guys alright…” 

Soobin narrows his eyes, glaring at Seokjin with such a sharp look. Seokjin’s throat is tight, as he trembles and his eyes sting with tears.

“You wanna know what’s going on? The stupid dinner tonight is for Appa! To celebrate him or mourn him or- or- something! And Eomma, over  _ here _ , didn’t think to tell us! He didn’t think to say a word!” 

Soobin is rampaging, loud and violent and furious. 

“Damn, it’s been thirteen years, hasn’t it? And we’ve never gotten an explanation, nothing! And yet here we are, going to a dinner to celebrate our father’s death! Which we know nothing about!”

Soobin catches his breath. “And we never will! Because Eomma’s nothing but a stupid, cruel liar! A horrible parent who doesn’t care about anyone and is so selfish that he forgot that his own kids had feelings!”

Each word comes out more angered than the last, more venomous and painful. Seokjin never wanted to hear those words of his own son’s mouth, never wanted them aimed at him. But here he is and God, is the feeling horrible. 

“S-soobin, you need to calm down,” Seokjin says softly, shakily.

“No! I won’t-”

“Soobin, please-”

“No! You’re gonna listen to me! And-”

“Kim Soobin, you need to listen to me and be quiet. I love you and respect your feelings, but right now you need to take a deep breath and calm down before you hurt yourself.” 

Soobin seems startled by the words, eyes big and stunned, before his shoulders fall and his lips tremble. He starts to cry. 

Seokjin wraps his arms around Soobin, Kai too. They sit, alone in the bedroom, the sounds of sobs the only noise that surrounds them. It’s not peaceful by any means- no, there’s too much bottled-up anger, sadness and grief bubbling to the surface now, in this moment but it is rather… calming, almost.

It’s relieving. 

It’s something they all needed, in different ways and forms for them all. 

For Soobin, it’s release.

For Seokjin, it’s clarity.

For Kai, it’s exposure. 

“I…” Seokjin tries to speak, but no words feel right. Feel appropriate. Maybe this wound is a little too tender right now, maybe he should wait, but he feels as though silence isn’t a good idea. 

They’re settling, soon enough, as sobs turn to even breaths. Even though tears still fall, they’re not sharp and hot- just slow and sad. 

“I-I’m sorry I never told either of you what happened to A-appa or… well, anything, really. That’s my f-fault,” Seokjin decides to start, “But… please understand w-why. It was never to withhold s-something from you or to deceive you or to-to hurt you. It was just… Both of you were  _ so _ young when it all happened and I didn’t want to traumatize you.” 

He takes a breath. 

“I just didn’t want you to live with that sort of grief and knowledge at that age. And I think part of me was still…  _ struggling _ to believe what happened too. So I never told you because it would feel as if I was accepting what happened- and I have, but… I would’ve accepted it in a way that meant I was accepting the fact that your Appa, my Namjoon, wasn’t here anymore.”

Soobin shudders and sobs again. 

“I’m not trying to excuse what I did, please don’t think that. That was just my reasoning and I feel so guilty and horrible for-for not doing so, but just… see what was going through my head. Please.” 

The words are pouring out now. 

“If you want to know what happened, I’ll tell you. Both of you. Right now or-or whenever you’re ready. And if you never want me to tell you, if you don’t want to know, that’s fine, too. And… you don’t have to forgive me for not telling you sooner. I’m sorry.” 

He can feel Soobin shaking his head against his chest, his arms tightening around Seokjin. 

“I… I want to know what happened to Appa. R-right now, please.” 

Seokjin nods. 

“Okay.” It comes out as a whisper. 

“I do too,” Kai says, voice hushed. “I can handle it, promise.” 

Maybe it’s inappropriate, with both of his kids crying on his chest, but Seokjin can’t help but smile a little. “Okay,” He repeats, a promise and a confirmation.

“How about we go out into the kitchen, wrap up in some blankets and I’ll explain everything; I promise. And-and later, how about we call your samchuns and invite them over for dinner, instead? We can order pizza and I’ll make some cookies and popcorn and we can have a movie night at home, sound good?” 

There’s silent agreements, nodding and quiet hums. 

Kai and Soobin walk out, heading towards the kitchen. Seokjin can hear the rustling of fabrics and chairs scraping against the floor, as he reaches into his closet for a small, plastic box.

It’s quite weightless (unfortunately, though maybe the less they know the better) the lack of documents taking away it’s heft. 

Seokjin carries it out, feeling the light tug at his shoulders as he walks and sets it on the table gently. Soobin sits to his right, clothed in a hoodie and holding onto a pillow, while Kai has managed to wrap himself up rather tightly in a blanket. 

“What’s th-this?” Soobin asks, quiet and fragile, almost fearful. 

“This is all the information about your father’s death that your samchuns and I could find. There’s not much, I’m afraid. The laws, the times, the- well,  _ everything _ , affected the amount of documentation, the lack and unneed for it.” 

Carefully, Seokjin pulls off the lid, careful in placing it off to the side, as if it might break.

Soobin and Kai both lean in to see, but the meager amount of items inside isn’t exactly impressive. If anything, it’s pathetic, but they really did do their best-  _ all _ of them. From asking strangers on the streets for something,  _ anything _ , to practically breaking into the police station, to stalking the men Seokjin knew did  _ it _ . 

“First, to… start, I guess, tour father’s death really hit everyone…  _ hard _ . We’d all been friends since our first years in school, so we’d… we grew up together. And Namjoon… was somewhat like our leader. He brought us all together and kept us going, regardless of what happened. And losing him, for all of us, was heartbreaking and gut-wrenching and-and… it didn’t feel right to be seven, when we were  _ eight _ .” 

Seokjin doesn’t want to cry, not now, not when Soobin and Kai need him to be strong and present for them, but he feels the tears start to build in his eyes, feels the pressure in his head and throat. 

“It was a few months after he passed, when Hoseok-samchun and Taeseob-samchun called me around noon. They were acting weird, cryptic. And they were asking about… Namjoon. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I just asked for them to be blunt and tell me what was up.” 

He lets out a shaky breath. 

“They told me that two interning policemen came to their cafe earlier. When they were serving them, walking around, just... running the cafe as usually, they overheard them talking about a reporter who was killed during an interrogation. And… well, we thought that could’ve been Namjoon. 

“Your samchuns asked me if I knew how he passed. It was then that I realized that no, I didn’t. I knew nothing. I hadn’t even bothered to look into it. And it was startling.”

Soobin tightens his hold on the pillow and adjusts himself in his seat. 

“So, we started looking for answers. It was only us three at first, but all of your samchuns helped eventually. We went from having only three of us on board, to seven and with a greater number, we sort of assumed that we’d find answers quickly.”

“But… that wasn’t exactly the case.” 

“We met in a backroom of the cafe: somewhere discreet and secure, so that no one would find out. It was then that we all agreed that the first step should be asking around. So, we compiled a list of inconspicuous question to ask anyone, really- customers in the cafe, co-workers, even strangers on the streets.” 

“We didn’t find anything. Just a few silly rumors that we were easily able to prove wrong.”

For the first time in a long, long time, Seokjin reaches into the box and pulls out the notebook. 

It’s tattered, the edges frayed. The green color has faded some and the pages are thicker from everything that'd been shoved into it. It was Sekokjin’s, but since it’s been filled, he hasn’t opened it, hasn’t looked at it.

“This is my notebook; we all had one. We wrote everything down in these- stories we heard, interviews, suspects. At the end of the week, we’d all go to a back room in the cafe again and discuss what we found. There usually wasn’t barely anything, even between the seven of us.” 

Seokjin turned and gave it to Soobin. He looked wary, with his eyes flickering from the book back to his gaze, before he finally takes it. 

“I can…?” 

Seokjin nods. 

Soobin slowly and shakily opens it. The page he turns to is filled with handwriting, fast and organized and by no means neat. A small bus ticket is taped to the upper corner, along with a clipping from a brochure. 

“There’s a ton of stuff in those- tickets, articles, receipts, maps. Everything we thought meant something, even in the slightest way, was kept or documented.”

He smiles then, for the first time during this conversation. “Remember when you two were younger and I would scrapbook?” 

Both of them nod.

“This was what I was usually doing. I had to make something up because you two were so curious and I didn’t want you to find out yet because… well, you know now.” 

He waits for a beat, anticipating a reaction from Soobin or Kai- just  _ something _ . But nothing comes and the breath he had been keeping is released. 

“It was about December-time that we found a-a lead. It was an article that Namjoon had written a few months before… before he passed. It was Yoongi-samchun that told us about it. He was on a business trip, so he hadn’t known that we were investigating until he got back. But regardless, he had edited it.”

“The article featured the interview of two North Korean escapees. Namjoon had asked them about their hardships, their torture, their escape.” 

Seokjin reaches out and dips his hands into the box again, pulling out a newspaper, buried under notebooks and magazines and tapes.

There’s a photo of a couple on the front, occupying the middle area of the yellowing pages. They look normal, like someone you’d pass on the street and wouldn’t give a second thought. But if you really looked, really focused, you could see the slight differences in their facial features. 

“I didn’t even know Namjoon wrote it. And it looked to be a flop- not gaining any popularity or attention at all. Most people probably ignored it, didn’t care or were too scared of the potential consequences to read through it. But this was the first thing we had found that made us feel as if we were actually getting somewhere.” 

“Along with it was a letter. It was from his manager-y, coordinate-y person-  _ whatever _ . The letter was simple and blunt, warning him that this article may cause some… issues. Controversy. Might endanger him. And-and…”

“And he didn’t care,” Soobin finishes, sharp and under his breath. 

Seokjin nods achingly. “Yeah. He said that this wasn’t a-about him, that it was for representation and-and helping these people and that they had no-no one standing up for them and w-whatnot… His response wasn’t exactly surprising.”

“But… his manager was right. We asked some of his co-workers and they said that the police came a few days after it was published. They asked questions, searched their desks and then left without another word. But they… they came back.”

“The police said that they were there the second time for an issued interrogation. Everyone was too scared to ask for a warrant, so they let them do everything. Every reporter, photographer, editor, manager, janitor-  _ everyone, _ was taken to the station and interviewed individually. Almost all of them had been let go afterwards and the next morning, they rest were all been freed, too. Everyone… except Namjoon.” 

“Your father and I planned on a date that night. He’s never been great with timing and whatnot, but he promised he’d be there. When he didn’t show, I assumed he got caught up at work. But he didn’t come home the next morning. He wasn’t answering my calls to his work and none of his co-workers were, either.” 

“The next day, I went to the news station and asked some of his coworkers if they knew anything. They were just as clueless as I was. I tried the police and they wouldn’t answer me, either.”

“After a while, I had become too much of a nuisance to them and they couldn’t get rid of me. A man, one of their officers, claimed that he could bring me to Namjoon. I thought they were going to release him or something. But instead, they took me down to the basement of the station. They brought out Namjoon and…” 

_ God _ , the mental image of his best friend, the love of his life, his  _ Namjoon _ , all beaten and bruised makes him want to puke. The way the blues and purples bloomed across the little of Namjoon’s skin he could see, the blood that stained his skin and coated his hair is  _ nauseating _ and the pain, oh, the pain he must have been  _ in- _

“Eomma,” Kai says, crawling out of his chair, “You’re crying.” 

Seokjin wipes a hand across his cheeks. Tears he hadn’t even known he’d been shedding wet the skin of his hand. 

“I’m okay, baby,” He says, as Kai goes back to his chair. “Thank you.” 

Soobin looks a little blank, unreadable. 

“He wasn’t in good shape. It was clear they were beating him or torturing him for whatever reason. We would have taken legal action, but we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere. And looking back on it, we were too emotionally overwhelmed to have done much of anything other than try to find out what was going on.” 

“But like I said, after we had all had time to calm down, that was when we really started to find new things.”

“There was the interview Namjoon had published. He had been the one to find the couple and that most likely made him a target to begin with. He must’ve seemed like a spy. But there was more to it than that.”

“It wasn’t much, but we now had something to start on. We only went from there. Your samchuns and I had already eliminated the news station as an information source, given that no one knew anything either. And we had asked all the questions we could have possibly come up with to strangers on the street and that had gotten us barely anywhere. Not to mention that it was time consuming and inconvenient.”

“We were all probably going a little crazy.”

“So we came up with a plan. Well, Taeseob, Hobi, Taehyung and Jeongguk-samchuns did. They decided that if the officers weren’t going to tell us anything, then we should just take the information from them.”

“So, we decided to sneak us into the one place we could find everything we wanted: the police station.” 

“Hoseok and Taeseob samchun would bring breakfast to the police station as an anonymous gift. Everything would be served out of their van outside, so no one would be in the building. Meanwhile, Jeongguk and Taehyung would be on standby for a separate diversion if this one failed. When the place was empty, Yoongi samchun and I would sneak in and quickly search through the files.” 

“It… kind of worked. The officers fell for it, but only for a few minutes. And one of them was still inside on patrolling or whatever, but we were easily able to avoid him. It wasn’t too fruitful, but we retrieved three files. We had to crawl out of a window to remain unspotted.” 

“Once we got home, we looked through everything. One file was filled with pathetic and blatantly false evidence claiming that Namjoon was a ‘suspicious person’, while the second held photos of him during his time at the station. We also managed to grab a video tape of his interrogation.” 

Seokjin pulls it all out of the box: the manilla folders, the tape. They nearly burn his hands with their weight and  _ wow, he’s terrified.  _ When did he get so jittery?

“This was nearly all the evidence we could have possibly needed. And although it doesn’t explicitly state that they assumed he was a spy, it is heavily implied. Our guess is that they used vague wording to throw off people who weren’t meant to read them.”

“But… it just wasn’t enough. There was no mention of the article, the couple- nothing. But that was our lead and what the police went to the news station with; how could it not have been of some importance?”

“We needed to know more. We had to get inside the station again. Luckily for us, Jeongguk-samchun was able to get a job as a janitor there. It wasn’t too difficult; he just had to apply to the employer- which was a separate company than the one that ran the station. 

“Once he was accepted, we played around with makeup and various accessories that could conceal his identity. It was tough for him too, because he always had to play nice, regardless of how he felt. In a way, we all had to do the same.” 

“He snooped around. He found out about a room in the station only accessed via key and permitted access by someone who held a higher rank than any of the officers at the station. There had to be something in there.” 

“Jeongguk-samchun managed to convince the officers that due to seasonal changes and mandatory cleaning procedures, he had to go into the room. The officers believed him, though some were a little suspicious. They supervised his work and didn’t leave him alone. But luckily for him, a fellow officer called everyone to the front for a meeting and he was left alone.”

“Jeongguk-samchun… smuggled out the evidence he had through his tool bag later that night with more than what we could’ve ever asked for. He had reports, video footage, images and a handful of files that weren’t even relevant! We could’ve exposed that station, could’ve caused them so much trouble and damage and it would’ve been so,  _ so _ fulfilling! We could’ve given Namjoon peace!” 

“But… but…”

_ It wasn’t our time,  _ he thinks, _ no one would have l-listened to us and there-there were just too many un-unknowns and- _

Seokjin takes a breath.

“We couldn’t have risked it. We all had families and lives that we loved. We had to value safety, had to think before we act, because one wrong move and we could be ripped away from all of this. And… none of us wanted that.”

“And… it would be disrespectful to Namjoon.”

“So we kept our mouths shut. One day, maybe, when the government is much more open and understanding and safe and-and just-  _ better _ overall, maybe we’ll release the flies. Share our story. But for now, we’ll keep quiet. I value our safety and happiness more than I value exposing those cruel bastards.”

Seokjin’s fingernails dig into his palms, but with a breath and a reminder to be calm, steady for Soobin and Kai, he finds himself relaxing. 

“Here,” He grunts, pulling out a stack of folders and a video tape, “Is the stuff Jeongguk-samchun stole. And here’s where it gets… weird.”

“We hadn’t thought to go through all the papers first. It just seemed too… taxing, so we started with the video. It’s hard to watch, I’m not going to lie, so maybe… maybe I’ll let you watch it when you’re older. I want to be open with you, I promise but this is… a bit much. Please understand.”

Kai agrees, but Seokjin is more concerned about Soobin. Thankfully, he gives a blank nod. 

“The first time we watched it I… freaked out. I had a panic attack and was a bit shaken for the next few days. But Yoongi-samchun snapped me out of it, thankfully. Afterwards, I was able to fully processed what was happening, was able to watch the video.”

“They had asked Namjoon questions about North Korea. At first, they were simple questions, like what it South Korea’s current relationship with them, who is their leader. But then they got much darker. They asked how he felt about the government, how he felt about disrespecting his culture, his nation.”

“They… they asked him why he would betray his own country. It was clear he had no idea what the officers were talking about, but that-that didn’t stop them from hurting him.”

“They beat him. Hard. And the more questions he left unanswered, the more he begged and pleaded and screamed, the worse the torture seemed to get.” 

“So we looked into the files. And it turns out, the interview he wrote and published did have something to do with it. The couple he interviewed… they weren’t victims- they were assailants.”

“They were government officials, loaded with false but believable information. They called it a ‘test’: they fed information to him and because of the way he responded, his interest and sympathy, led them to believe that he was a spy.”

“Of course they were wrong, but they had other evidence, too. Like screenshots of him out after curfew-  _ working _ , of all things or of him going into stores known for petty crimes or with bad reputations and him coming out with no purchases. It was just stupid!”

“And it was what they used to convict him. To keep him locked in a cell, to torture him.”

Seokjin drops through the files onto the table.

“When we had asked a final time where Namjoon was, they told us he was dead. They said he passed away from an undetected illness and died overnight, with no one there to do anything. We all knew that that didn’t sound right, but there was nothing we could do about it.”

“And this simple report proved us right. It had the specifics, the important details of his death. It explained that Namjoon was beaten so horribly, that he fell unconscious when two of his ribs broke and split. The bone pierced his lungs and he passed during the night.”

“The station suddenly had an unwanted body and an emotional family on their hands.”

“One of the higher-ups wrote them a letter, granting permission to cremate him, to hide their tracks. And they gave us his urn, the rest of his personal belongings and a pathetic excuse a few days later.” 

“We held a funeral, remember? When we spread his ashes over the river? God, he loved that river. He and I had our first kiss at that river and he loved the park, the nature, so he’d go there whenever he could.”  
Seokjin smiles

“It only seemed appropriate to let him rest there.”

“I’ve told you everything. And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.”

Soobin and Kai look… stunned. Dazed. As if they were still processing everything. Which is completely understandable- Seokjin’s definitely been there. 

“Well, uh… H-how about I go order pizza? And call your samchuns? Like I promised, yeah?” He says, a little frantic, as he steps away, wanting to give them space and escape the tension, but something is quick to grab at the back of his shirt.

It’s Soobin, with glassy eyes and a shrivelled frame. He doesn’t look Seokjin in the eyes.

“Thank… thank you for telling me. And I… I didn’t mean to get so mad. And I didn’t mean what I said. You’re a good, kind, caring Eomma and-nd-” He breaks into a sob. 

Seokjin wraps his arms around him, soothingly petting his hair as Soobin cries, shaking on his shoulder and staining his shirt with tears and snot.

“I know, Bin-ah, it’s okay.”

“I-i’m so,  _ so _ sorry. I didn’t mean it and- and- I was mad but you’re the best, and-and I love you and- I’m sorry!”

“I forgive you, baby,” Seokjin soothes, as he plants a kiss on his forehead. 

Kai gives him a pleading glance from around Soobin’s shoulder. With a gentle, affirming nod, he too comes and wraps his arms around both of them. 

“And I’m sorry, to both of you, too.”

Soobin looks up at him, scared with snot and tears dripping down his face. “What?”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t bring your Appa home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! How do you feel? Are you crying? I know I am. T-T
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this! And I hope it wrapped up the storyline and answered any questions that you guys have. If you have any more questions, comments or concerns, feel free to comment!
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are welcome~


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